i shed tears in class
/i sat in class tonight - the one that i attend only once a week for an hour -and i couldn't help but hold back tears.sometimes i feel as though no one else truly understands my heart.sometimes i feel as though no one else truly understands their designed purpose.i sit at the feet of wise words and guiding direction...i have recently and often been challenged to contemplate my purpose in life.why was i created? who am i to be? who am i now?tonight we were going through Ephesians 5:21-33 and Colossians 3:18-19.these passages overwhelm my heart yet satisfy my soul.to hear in words tonight that i want to be in a relationship where i am HONORED -wow.my heart was verbalized.i can only pray now that one day i will be in a relationship where i am VALUED and found WORTHY... because that's all i want. i want to hear that i am valuable and that i am INDESPENSIBLE. because i was formed and CREATED to be an indespensible helper... that is my true nature! i am just waiting for that day when i am privileged enough to submit to one man... to voluntarily surrender my will to one man... not because i am inferior or incapable of things... but because I want to serve in that way... to RESPECT one man... because that is how I was designed! to have an inner character that reflects a quiet spirit and a submissive attitude.i must learn to respect. submit.i want to be honored. understood.and wow, is patience hard.i can't wait for this relationship and yet i can't even imagine the reality.i struggle, i suppose.with waiting. i guess even with growing while waiting....that's all for now.but boy was it ever hard to not let the tears flow and cry out"yes! i want that relationship! i want to emulate Christ and the church through my relationship with one man someday!"it's so easy to say "where is he."it's so hard to say "how am i today?" or "am i ready?"but i guess it's not about being "ready"...rather about what i'm doing during this time of waiting...this is not loneliness. it's more... i don't know. contentment, perhaps?i was created for big things.i just can't wait until i am paired with someone else created for big things, and together we explode and do huge things for Christ.i'm crazy, i know.whatever... i feel some things just need to be shared.