one perspective on flirting

so if guys need to hear it from a girl, here it is...

guys - don't flirt with girls.

...unless you're generally interested in taking care of her heart.

flirting is "playful behavior intended to arouse interest" ...
this sure doesn't seem to be directed only to females.
the smirks and smiles, the extra glance, the lingering side hug...
beware that girls read into every little detail and dissect every extra ounce of attention.

does this mean girls are ok to flirt and only guys need to watch themselves?
of course not.
doesthis mean that it's solely the girl's fault when she notices extraattention and gives way to intentional flirting, looking for even moreattention from the guy?
of course not.

i think there is a wrong view of this entire subject which has left us blind to the real issue at hand.

Guys - realize this...

GIRLS WERE CREATED TO BE NEEDED.
Imean seriously, the first woman was created to be an "indispensablehelper" - to be one with man... created FROM man... so it is onlynatural that a girl would feel the need to gain attention from a guy...to desire to be looked at as someone who is worth the extraconversation, the extra glance, the playful smile...

so most likely, if you offer it to her... she will take it.
and if she is able to gain your attention by such means... she will look for it.

thisis not about being hurt in the past... being heartbroken or anemotional wreck... this is solely about being created to desireattention and feel needed.
but there are times where thebroken heart takes longer to heal and the past stands in the way ofopening up or is hidden and covered by the search for inappropriateattention.

but you know what i think the real reason for excessive and unhealthy flirting?

... it's simple. it all lies in the misunderstanding of ones identity.
whydoes one (not just guys, and not just girls...) use excessive flirtingto gain attention? because they have lost sight of their true identity.
and i don't mean to sound cliche...
buti truly, honestly feel... and have experienced... that a girl will useexcessive means of flirting NOT because they feel lonely, or abandoned,or even really want that kiss... but rather, because they haveforgotten their identity in Christ. when one stops realizing that theywere created in the image of God... they stop recognizing, feeling, believing their worth. so they try to replace that "emptiness" so to speak.

girls flirt excessively when they have lost focus of their identity in Christ.
andthis is not just the perverted thinker, the apathetic Christian, or thenon-believers... this is for even the mature, "strong" Christian woman.

and i honestly don't know "why" guys flirt... (besides theobvious, physical reasons) but i can only imagine that this sameconclusion would apply. that a guy will give in to temptations andsexual lusts or desires when they have lost sight of their identity inChrist... when they have stopped focusing on who Christ is IN them andwhat that looks like. and this is not just for the perverted,apathetic, or non-believing guy...

i am by no means excusing anyform of excessive, sexually based flirting on behalf of girls... butthere is a lot more to it than meets the eye. and i don't care how manygirls try to tell me it is possible to have a "random" make-outsession, or a merely "platonic" relationship or non-committedfriend-with-benefits... IT'S NOT. because we were created to want more... we were created to feel needed, and there are always emotions attached.

ithink the only reason a girl will flirt with impure intentions isbecause she is no longer confident in who she is in Christ...
and more often than not, she will "flirt" to see where she can get that extra ounce of attention that she is craving...
soif the guy offers to give that attention, then it IS the kind ofattention she is looking for. it's just found in the wrong place, atthe wrong time.


...

i don't think flirting is all wrong.
but i don't think it is always healthy.
and i think it has a tainted perception in today's society - especially the "Christian society".

Guys - take responsibility for your actions.
it'sjust as easy for you to flirt with girls and lead them along... themore often you flirt with her, the easier it is for her to play withthose thoughts and look for something more... to create that"relationship" in her head and play around with those thoughts... todwell on the potential and the possibilities rather than focus on lifeat hand.
if you're not interested in taking care of a girl'sheart... then by all means, don't give her the extra glance, the hiddensmirk, or the lingering hug. and especially don't blame the girl for responding to your actions. if you start it... she'll often let it linger.

and Girls - just be smart.
if you want to be worth it... if you want to FEEL worth it... wait to kiss the guy who will jump over walls to find out whoyou are. and there's that cliche phrase about how a guy should have togo through Christ in order to figure out who you are... because you areso engulfed by Christ himself. remember... it's an identity issue. wewere created to want, to desire, that extra attention... but it meansnothing if we are left empty at the end of every night. and perhaps ifwe are blessed enough, one day there will be one guy who comes alongand just radiates Christ at a level that accelerates where we alreadyare and will only continue to push us closer to who He is.



... hmm.

perhapsi'm just tired of always being told that i wouldn't get myself intoconfusing, complicated situations if i would just stop flirting withthe guy.
... to what extent does the guy have to step up and takeresponsibility and admit that he never should have given me the extraattention in the first place?

i'm working on this flirting thing, really i am.
i'm not sure i have it all figured out.
but one thing i know... i'm tired of hypocrites.
meaning, i'm tired of myself.
and i'm redefining who i am...
to recognize who i am IN CHRIST. (thanks, pastor rob)


...

then again, perhaps all of this could have been said in a much simpler phrase:

guys,if you don't want to worry about the consequences of flirting, and areworried about your mind wandering in an impure direction... perhaps youshouldn't sit on that couch with your arm around the girl during thatmovie.
and you especially shouldn't tell her that it's her fault for flirting in the first place.

maybe then we wouldn't even be having these kinds of conversations.